do you know that feeling

you get in your chest?

it feels like a

snake has wrapped around your heart, your lungs

and it’s squeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

simultaneously your heart is runningamillionbeatsperseconditslikeyouregoingto


do you know that feeling

you get when your hands

t r e m b l e and you just can’t seem to hold them


or that feeling when

your stomach is in knots, it feels sick

and you’re t r y i ng to breathe

but you’re afraid you’ll vomit or worse:


do you know that feeling

when your mind is suddenly


by all the things you should’ve said, or not have said, or

goddamn it, why did you do that weird awkward thing?

your mind just won’t stop runningrunningrunning

fabricating stories and lies and outrageous theories.

and damn, do you know that feeling

when the professor calls on you in class

and the

heat flushes to your face

and your mind is suddenly



this (and still a million other things) is what my social anxiety feels like. all the feelings and physical reactions contradict and overwhelm. however, these are merely the feelings and reactions i feel when in social situations/around people. the process it takes to get out the door to go to something? that’s a whole nother blog post. i wrote this one really quickly, just felt like putting some of my social anxiety into words… a lot of folks don’t understand what i mean when i mention my social anxiety and some have the audacity to tell me my social anxiety isn’t real. well… it is.


Though ultimately introspective and for my own persxnal reflection, I also wanted to utilize this blog to 1) get back into writing (my dream was literally to be an author/writer for 90% of my childhood – bet a lot of you who know me NOW didn’t know that, huh?) and 2) to share hair/makeup stuff, thoughts on world events/higher education, recipes, anything else that I want because I can. And, I’m really excited because I’ve been getting a lot of ideas in the past couple of days and now it’s all about not being lazy, putting in the work, and writing.

Lately, I’ve been making a lot of smoothies for breakfast since I’m home and I have the access to my parents’ fridge and other appliances. I’ve been trying to eat healthier – not just to lose weight but to feel and look better. Smoothies, when made with the right things, are so healthy and so great for you – especially in the morning. Surprising as it may seem, most breakfast foods we all know and love (and if you know me, you know breakfast/brunch is my favorite meal of the day) are not actually the best to eat in the morning – especially starchy potatoes and breads, heavy eggs, etc. Smoothies are great because they provide nutrition, keep you going for a few hours, and they’re easy to digest (exactly what you need in the morning).  Today, I finally discovered the recipe to my new favorite GREEN SMOOTHIE. About time, too because I went through a lot of okay-tasting and some just outright bad smoothies to get to this place.

I literally just threw some things into the Magic Bullet – based on videos I’ve seen before, articles I’ve read, as well as just persxnal experience. And it literally came out to be the best smoothie I’ve made, ever. And I know it’s healthy as hell. Check it out. The amounts are all just approximates because, again, just threw things in to the Magic Bullet and everything can be adjusted to your taste. But truuuust me, this is actually really good. I was surprised, too. And, a lot of these things can just be easily found in any grocery store/farmer’s market!


  • 1 Frozen Banana (in chunks)
  • Handful of spinach (as much spinach as you can squeeze in really!)
  • Half a tablespoon, chopped ginger
  • Chunks of fresh pineapple (as much as you’d like, tbh – I prefer a lot because it masks the ginger)
  • Half a cup, coconut water
  • Tablespoon, chia seeds
  • Splash of OJ
  • Chili/lime seasoning

Just blend everything together – except for the chili/lime and half a tablespoon of chia seeds – until it is as smooth as you like it. Feel free to add more OJ/coconut water if the smoothie is too thick for you. Top it with the remaining chia seeds and sprinkle it with the chili/lime seasoning to your liking.

AND I’M TELLING YOU – IT’S SO GOOD. And good for you, yay! My only complaint is that the pineapple leaves a lot of pulp behind, but it’s easy to ignore because this smoothie would definitely suck without the pineapple. The banana and pineapple are really what hides the taste of the ginger and the chili/lime seasoning just adds great flavor (that was totally my random addition to this smoothie). For reference, my mom picked up the chili/lime stuff at the local WinCo in the bulk spices aisle! WinCo is great for stuff like that. (also picked up the chia seeds in the bulk foods aisle! much cheaper than trying to buy it pre-packaged)

My only problem will be how to recreate things like this once I’m back at school because as of now, I won’t even have access to a Magic Bullet or something akin to it, nor do I have cheaper access to things like coconut water, chia seeds, etc. The one great thing about the San Joaquin Valley is that it is soooo much cheaper than the Santa Barbara area. #bitter

So, step one: I’m currently on the search for a cheap knock-off of a Magic Bullet.

But until then, I’m out and I actually hope to post something about hair care soon. I get so many questions all the time about hair so, I figured why not.