Archive

Uncategorized

I’m confident I have met two of my life’s soulmates. Soulmates are not always romantic (though they can be) and they are not always lifelong (though they can be). But they are always deep, intense soul connections. Soulmates are individuals that feel and understand one another instinctively, intuitively, on a soul level. I can’t explain it, you can’t explain it. It just is. Soulmates are individuals that never need to explain their feelings or actions to another, they just get it. Down to their bones. They feel one another.

The eyes are one of the keys to the soulmate relationship. Eye contact allows two soulmates to communicate without saying a word. I can make eye contact with my soulmates from across the room and just know that oh, they’re feeling anxious, it’s time to leave the space or they’re hungry or thirsty or have some other need. Eye contact can also act as an energy exchange between two soulmates. Feelings, energies, vibes can pass through one to the other. We can give each other the energy we need.

When I met the 2nd soulmate, ironically, we never made eye contact during our first meeting. We sort of spoke but we are both awkward. We did not share much; it was the very opposite of how we both enjoy conversing with people (very deeply, about existentialism and philosophy and religion). In fact, I recall feeling walls. We are both guarded, reserved individuals (Scorpio Risings!)… yet we were still drawn to spending time together almost six months later, in a totally different city. She messaged me on Facebook to hang out and ironically, our first hang out was so indicative of our entire friendship (and I believe our past lives, too). We met in Berkeley and I got off at the wrong BART stop. She walked a whole damn mile to meet up with me and walk back to where she had been (she’s been the direction guru in our friendship ever since). We sat in a park and smoked a joint, people watching (our favorite past time). I remember that it was so easy to be in the present with her. That it felt so normal, so second nature. I am socially anxious but did not feel so much of it with her. We got ice cream together (still our favorite dessert to have together to this day). Then, we headed to the theater and watched the animated The Prophet by Khalil Gibran… a movie rooted in spirituality and philosophy, our favorite topics to discuss.

Looking back now, this “first date” makes me laugh. It was like we instinctively knew one another. It was as if I was hanging out with an old friend and not a new one. We did not even need to get “get to know one another”; we just did. Our relationship, too, is very healthy. We respect one another’s boundaries, don’t feel the need to speak to each other every day, have trust and loyalty, and have so much unconditional love for one another. Our friendship is truly a judgement-free, joyful space. Occasionally when our own emotional poisons or traumas do come up, we retreat.

My first soulmate, I met at just the right time. The universe was truly holding me in this moment. The universe had my back. I met her at freshman orientation at UC Santa Barbara, my alma mater. She was the very person to shake my hand on that campus and I immediately fell in love. That moment sits in my memories as one of my favorite memories to date.

We were sitting in one of the residence halls’ study rooms (that we would later come to live in together our second year). All the incoming freshman in this particular group were sitting in a circle. She was sitting across from me. Our Orientation Leader asked us to introduce ourselves to a couple people and share something or the other. Again, my soulmate and I were two of the awkward, shyer women in the group. I felt drawn to meeting her. She introduced herself as “Teeny” when her name is “Tina”. We immediately shared a laugh, shook hands, and I knew this person was going to be in my life forever. This, I felt. I felt so deeply. I remember feeling warm. I remember feeling like I had met my kin. I had met my person. This was it. The following day of Orientation, we even met early in the morning to put our makeup on together. Our social armor. Our warpaint. To this day, getting ready is our favorite activity together. It is a ritual for us. It is a time for makeup and chisme. We hold it sacred together.

We didn’t speak in the months leading up to the first day of school. Again, there was never an need for constant communication. The love and friendship was just there. It’s inexplicable. But when school began, we spent all of our free time together. We went on our first university adventures together, I cajoled her to go to club meetings with me, we got involved in one too many drunk shenanigans together.

Through our friendship, I now see how many of my emotional poisons came up through me during this time. I was sometimes possessive, jealous. I was selfish and inflexible. This relationship pushed me to do some personal unearthing and growth. I have come to learn to check these things in myself and am at a place now where they rarely, if ever, come out. And I have definitely learned not to act upon them (rather, observe them instead).

Both of these relationships have catapulted my growth in numerous ways and I believe I instigated much of their growth as well. My first soulmate, met at the cusp of a new time in my life, truly pushed me to explore, experience joy unabashedly, be myself, dance and run, go with the flow, and be spontaneous. She pushed me to be flexible, hear other people out, and let go of control. My second soulmate continues to teach me discipline, boundary-setting, and responsibility. She teaches me vigilance and steadiness, strength and deliberateness. I know I push them both in ways I probably can’t even fathom but I definitely cannot speak for them. I FEEL IT THOUGH and I SEE it.

At this time, I am still studying and trying to determine the differences between soul mates, karmic relationships, and twin flames… I feel like one of these soulmates is definitely a karmic relationship, as well, but I’m not sure I’ve met a twin flame yet!

What about you? Have you met a soulmate, twin flame, someone from your past life? Was there a time you met someone and everything fell together so inexplicably naturally? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!

Advertisements

i’ve had such a writer’s block. I thought being sad would inspire new words but instead, I struggle to even pick up a pen.

I hate this.

A part of me feels weak. I know I deserve better, I know breaking up was the best possible option, I know I need to move on and concentrate on myself.

But damn, I am so sad.

Even when everyone around me is laughing and smiling and I try so hard to be present. Sometimes it’s easy. Sometimes it’s so hard.

I’ve just never felt so disposable. It was a low fuckin’ blow. Especially after an incredibly, incredibly hard year of building myself back up.

And now it’s like I have to pick myself up again, build myself up again, remind myself I love myself again. Constantly.

But it becomes hard, you know, when you’re sad.

A part of me feels weak and the rest of me is screaming that it’s okay to be sad, let it out girl, you were depressed a year ago relapses happen, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’ll be okay.